Today's post is brought to you by the number G

"G" as in "go get me a fuckin sandwich bitch". Which is what I had to keep yelling at my roommate during the football games last Sunday. She wouldn't listen so eventually i just had to kill her...I believe its called matricide (the murder of one's mother). Ha i'm just playin around, i didnt actually kill my mother...but i did rip that tag off of the mattress in my bedroom in a fit of rage and was promptly thrown into handcuffs and taken to jail. Trust me, there are people who moniter that stuff and its just not worth it. The legal fees alone are a freakin nightmare, my roommates are refusing to post my bail and the sandwiches in here suck. That, boys and girls, is fun with associative thinking...and G is not a number...its a spot...don't judge me.

You're killin me smalls...

So straying from my usual sports posts...as frequent as they may be...I've decided to do a quick one about a movie idea I've had for a little while now. Question:

If Mel Gibson can make an entire movie in Aramaic, why can't I make one entirely in Piglatin?

First off, Woody Allen is directing, this is gonna be a film that's heavy on the dialogue. There will be absolutely no subtitles and the plot will be painfully confusing. I was originally thinking about contacting that chick from sesame street to chill in the corner of each pivotal scene to do the signing but i thought it might be offensive...in fact even writing that idea is pretty offensive...to people of Piglatin descent. Anywho, I already have John Lithgow signed on as an extra so we can pretty much only go uphill from there...I'm still waiting to hear back from that kid from Camp Nowhere but I'm pretty confident. The picture is going to be a coming of age drama filmed with a wide angle lens and a cell phone...its gonna be HUGE.

Jeff George Is Not Walking Through That Door

Alright kids,
It's time for my first post...and since I stay on topic about as well as acclaimed author Kirby Puckett (did you mean Kirby Puckett sexual assault?), I decided to just give you my NFL picks for this Sunday and also wax poetic about surefire hall of famer Matt "adult diapers" Cassell. So fill up your goblets, throw on your favorite robe, and make sure mom and dad are fast asleep cause we're about to get hot, heavy, and inappropriate.

Let's start with my beloved Patriots:
@New England -3 Denver
It's really hard for me to pick against the Pats especially at home but after the abortions that were the dolphins and chargers games I gotta think the broncos have enough fire power to squeak by. Granted, the Denver defense is a good place to get our skiddish Drew Bledsoe protege off the ground...but forgive me of little faith. Jay Cutler is more than capable to pick apart such a geriatric secondary and Brandon Marshall is an absolute freak of nature. I know it's only Thursday but this spread is a little generous, I see the Pats getting choked out by halftime and another chorus of boos for our fearless high school quarterback hero.

Oh Hey

What's up kiddos......welcome to the most inconsistent and irrelevant comedic sports blog on the net.

All views and jokes subject to change.